Anniversary

Today it would be my sister's 30th birthday. If she lived. If a disease like cystic fibrosis didn't exist. Standing in front of her grave on the cemetery didn't bring any feelings to me this time. I was just empty (not that it's some special state in my case) and I didn't know what to tell her. So I just stood silent and... Maybe she understood. My little angel. My grandma has always been telling me that if you die as a child you become an angel in heaven. I somehow feel it must be true. I used to talk to my sister when I was sitting on the balcony in the evening, looking at the stars. Maybe I should start with this habit again. It might help me to arrange my thoughts.

I don't know if it's partly due to this anniversary but my parents have been spending whole nights talking about their relationship (and the last ten or twelve years of their life) in the last few days. Today I've seen them holding each other's hand for the first time in the last x years. My father has changed and everybody sees that. But he has no other choice as my mother told him that either he would restart the treatment of his mental disease or she would divorce him and would prefer not to see him ever again. This was the wisest thing she could do and I wonder why she didn't do that earlier. The life could be far easier.
But maybe it's not yet the end. But at least now there's some hope. And when there's hope...