I was just so stupid that I thought that there were the two of us and then there was the rest. That I'd somehow manage everything even though I spend most of my free (study) time with him. But where's my reward? All the school stuff is piling up my head but still I wanted to be with him at least when it's our anniversary. And then he just said that my studies were the most important thing... And where's us? Nowhere? Why should I invest all my time and energy into... whatever. And the worst thing it that I'm not sad at all. I'm angry. I'm angry because I had so many plans and now I see how naive and stupid I was. That I forced him into something he didn't want himself. Because I needed (and I need) to be sure at least about something. To have something (or somebody) to rely on. To have a future. But there's nothing worse than thinking about the future.
So now I solemnly swear that from now on there's no future for me. That I'll just accept things as they come. As I was used to in a certain period of my life. Maybe that's the comfortable way to live. Cause you can rely on no one but yourself. People were created to be independent. Fuck :(
