"Christmas spirit"

There are quite a few reasons why I hate Christmas:

• Supermarkets full of people make me depressed.
• I always realize how lonely I feel.
• All I want is to lock myself in my room not to see anyone.
• I'm not quite sure where I belong.
• My mother is depressed and doesn't know what to do.
• My father makes me mad when he participates on the obligate shopping in a supermarket (where there's nothing I'd like to buy although I know I should buy something not to die of hunger) and is always impatient (thinking we're too slow) although it's in fact none of his business and no one asked him to come with us.
• My grandma has an obsession consisting in making us eat more than we can.
• We still play a sort of a game with presents although everyone has been buying presents just for themselves for some time already (but my father insists on this ritual).
• I feel I need love and I feel I don't get it in the form I'd want it.
• I end up with the thinking that I have no future.
• There's still the Memory and it hurts.

To be continued... In the morning:).

It may happen to anyone...

It's quite common that people stop loving each other after some time and get separated... But I've always thought it can't happen to me... How naive I was...
Now it's high time I finally realize sth's wrong and do sth about it... But it seems to be more difficult that one could expect... But on the other hand, nobody said it'd be easy to throw away almost three year's of one's life... But I have to... There's no other choice any more... It won't ever get better...
I loved him. I loved him so much I'd do anything to make him happy... I loved him so much I wanted to spend my whole life with him no matter what obstacles get in our way... I loved him so much I couldn't stop thinking about him at any time of the day... I loved him so much I thought there was a chance our life would change... That we would change... That we would handle anything...
I was drunk with love but now I got sober...

"You think you're giving but you're taking my life away..."